Sunday, January 25, 2009

25 things about me

I originally posted this up to my facebook profile, but thought it would worth sharing here as well:

1. I was born in North Carolina and lived there until I was 4. My earliest memories are our two dogs and the neighbor across the street and her rabbits. I also think I remember walking down our street and seeing dinosaurs attacking each other over the treeline, but that could be the LSD my mom slipped into the formula.

2. I only got straight A's one time in my life - 3rd quarter of my 1st grade year in Richmond Virginia. Scholastically it's been all down hill since then.

3. While we lived in Richmond, my father was the engineer for WLEE AM 1480. I used to visit him at the station all the time and developed my love of music and radio during this time

4. My best friend in Richmond was a boy named Daniel. Daniel was the first Jewish person I remember meeting. Together with another boy, Jason Putt (he had a welcome mat on his house that said Putt Putt for the fun of it) we built what was the worlds greatest tree house, with multiple points of entrance, 5 different rooms across 2 full levels. My parents informed me later in life that it should have been condemned.

5. The first movie I remember my dad taking me to was Empire Strikes Back. The theater was in the Richmond mall and I remember the line stretched through the mall, out the door, down the block and around the corner. We were in line for at least 3 showings before we got in.

6. The second movie I remember my dad taking me to was Blazing Saddles 10 year re-release, I have never laughed so hard in my life and it's still one of my favorite movies.

7. Until High School, I was never in the same school for more than 2 consecutive years.

8. I went to YMCA Camp Storer every year from grade 4 through 10, and then volunteered up at the camp for another two years.

9. I graduated from St. John's Jesuit in lovely Toledo, Ohio. While at SJJ, I was personally responsible for the immortal lines "Ketchup?" and "For I am Robert, the EXPENDABLE!"... ok, so they aren't really immortal but they still make me smile when I think about them.

10. I only went to one year of college, Ohio University in Athens, where I majored in screwing up, drinking Brainstompers from The Greenery, and Euchre. My GPA was so bad I refuse to acknowledge that I had one, which is unfortunately NOT that far from the truth.

11. I moved to Cincinnati in '93 and had to cut my hair for my first job at King's Island (yes the same place Mike Brady took the kids to deliver blueprints for a new roller coaster) as an attendant in the corn dog stand in front of the King Cobra. To this day I remember that 2 corn dog's and a Coke cost $5.25 in 1993. While working at this stand I met 2 of the best friends I have ever had, even if one of them hated me for the first 4 years of our relationship.

12. While stoned out of my mind one night in 1994 watching Simpson's reruns on Fox19, I decided to attend the Ohio Center for Broadcasting to train to become a real Disk Jockey! I graduated 9 months later.

13. My first radio job was at WKID 95.9 fm in lovely Vevay (pronounced Vee Vee) Indiana. I was the Maverick on the New Kid Country. If I had to pick one genre of music that I despise more than virtually anything, it would be country, this job didn't last too long.

14. I worked for Jacor Communications in Cincinnati for several of their stations. While at Jacor, I was able to get Channel 12 news personality Cammy Dierking to discuss in depth how asparagus changes the color and smell of her urine. Within 30 seconds of the end of the conversation, I had passed the tape along to the morning show at WEBN (local "shocking" rock station) and Cammy never spoke to me again... but I still have the tape.

15. Between June 1993 and August 2000, my hair was cut exactly 6 times. Five of those were only small trims to clear out any split ends. I still miss my long hair. Here is my hair in 1995:



16. I met my wife on October 12th, 1998. This is still the luckiest day of my life.

17. My kids are named for individuals who have had extreme importance in my life without realizing it. My daughter Megan is named in honor of one of my dearest friends from high school, Megan Beck, who was tragically taken far too early from this earth. My son Joseph Tyler is named after Joe Perry and Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. As lame as that may be, the music those two created has gotten me through almost every negative period of my life since 1987.

18. In keeping with the Aerosmith moment, I have seen them over 70 times since '87, going backstage 10 times. My 50th time seeing them was 10 years and 2 days after the 1st time in the same venue and sitting within 1 row of my first seats.

19. I'm totally addicted to my xbox (live id Armonde74) and have reached the point in my life where when given a choice between being intimate with my wife or playing another game of Call Of Duty 4, I struggle with the decision.

20. I started playing bass in 1987 because I wanted to sound like one of the greatest musicians of all time, Bootsy Collins. 15 years later, I met the great Bootzilla, when a friend of mine introduced us. Bootsy lives about 1/4 of a mile down the street from me now, but in a much nicer house.

21. I've been in 5 auto accidents in my life. Two were run of the mill "normal" accidents. The remaining three involved the following: Hitting a boat (yes, with a car), skidding through a farmer's front lawn at approximately 60 mph and hitting a telephone pole he had lined his driveway with (according to the farmer I had the 1988 Dodge Caravan at least 6 feet in the air upon impact), and catching a car on fire after running over a couch cushion.

23. I nickname my animals after items I could have purchased if I didn't have to spend extra vet money on them. My dog Jack is also known as "Laptop," Kirby is "Vacation," and the newest dog Ringo is "Carton."

24. Since 1997, I have only been drunk 5 times. Twice at weddings, twice in Cancun, once in Toledo where I ran around the parking lot of the Holiday Inn Express in Perrysburg at 2 am quacking like a duck.

25. Though I like to pretend to be miserable most of the time, I know that I'm surrounded by people who love and support me. While my life has not turned out how I imagined, I am lucky to be where I am and I really do appreciate it. (I know this is a cop out answer but it's now 3 hours on this damn quiz and I'm flat out of ideas... you try and do better.)

Friday, January 23, 2009

"Rob's Three Amigo's" application

I am not a social person by nature. I tend not to trust new people until I have interacted with them several times in a variety of settings and even that is just to get comfortable enough to start pushing buttons to see how far I can push them before they hate me, thus reinforcing my predetermined decision that they weren’t worth the effort to be friendly with anyways. (I know, I’m sick but it’s worked for me this long so I’ll stick with it).

That being said, similar to the Dark Lords of the Sith, I have the “Rob’s Rule of Three” which grants me the permission to be friends with three people at the same time (not counting the wife, I’m legally obligated to be friends with her). As I have been remiss in replacing the last friend to leave the circle over two years ago and facing the impending loss of another when he moves to Germany for another job, I have decided to take open applications to join “Rob’s Three Amigo’s”

Prior to filling out and submitting the application listed below, please note the following requirements. Failure to meet all requirements will result in an immediate fine of $500 and disqualification from any future interaction with anyone I know.

1) A tolerance for soliloquy’s. My favorite director is Kevin Smith and I tend to speak in the same style of long, often humorous (at least to me) diatribes about whatever subject I wish to pretend I’m an expert on that day.
2) A thorough knowledge of mid to late 80’s hair metal, in addition to an appreciation to the genius that is Aerosmith (pre 9 Lives).
3) Be geek enough to talk computers, internet, software, and video games with me.
4) Have a thick skin, as I will try to annoy you and once I find something that does that, I will NEVER stop bringing it up.

If you meet the above requirements, please fill out the following questionnaire/quiz and submit with a $25 administrative review and filing fee to armonde[at]gmail[dot]com:

1) Name:

2) Nickname:

3) If I choose to make up a nickname for you, as I most certainly will, do you have any names that are strictly off limits (ex. “Doofus,” “Bozo,” etc…)?

4) Please list your last three friends:

5) Who is your current or most recent best friend?

6) Reason for ending relationship:

7) What qualities do you possess that you feel could not be satisfied by a more traditional friend, like a dog? Use another sheet of paper if necessary.

8) What is the latest/earliest that you will accept phone calls?

9) Identify, using the quote, and re-enact the following Monty Python routines:
A) “I didn’t expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition…”
B) “Do you, in fact, have any cheese here at all?”
C) “He’s not dead, he’s pinin’ for the fjords.”

10) Fill in the blanks: “Hey, Rob, I really _____ your _____! It is totally _____!”

11) Identify the films from which the following quotes were taken:
A) “Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.”
B) “Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo!”
C) “Hi Willie. Oh, I'm Mike Walsh. You've been expecting me, haven't you? Well I made it. I beat you. I got here in one piece... so far.

12) If I were to say to you, “Hey, I just got this new Blind Slim Williamson CD. It’s a reissue of a Library of Congress recording from a back porch in Hushpuckenah, Mississippi in 1936 and features Sandbox Leroy on harmonica. If you listen closely, you can hear Williamson’s wife cussing him out during some of the softer choruses,” would you reply:
A) Wow, that sounds amazing. Put it on. Turn it up.
B) Really? Is that the one where they do a version of Memphis Johnson’s “Cott’npatch Moan?” I think I used to have that on vinyl.
C) Why the hell would I want to listen to an ancient, scratchy recording of some dead guy playing an out-of-tune guitar?

13) How many times have you seen Metallica live in concert?

14) If I were to say, “I used to be a doctor, but I had to quit, ’cause I kept losing my patience,” would you reply:
A) Oh, how very, very witty. Ah ha ha ha ha. Please! Stop! My side!
B) There was a time when I held fast to the notion that the pun was the lowest form of wit, but the more time I spend with you the more I am beginning to realize that it is a grossly overlooked and underappreciated art form, one that you are not only single-handedly reviving, but also taking to levels never before imagined possible.
C) Good bye.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Barack Obama's Inaguaration Speech

My fellow citizens:

I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because we the people have remained faithful to the ideals of our forebears, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land — a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America — they will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted — for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.

For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions — that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act — not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them — that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works — whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account — to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day — because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control — and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart — not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our founding fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort — even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West — know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment — a moment that will define a generation — it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends — hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence — the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed — why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

"Let it be told to the future world ... that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet (it)."

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.