Truths for Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately DOD wipe your computer hard drive when you die
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Online mapping sites need to start their directions on #5; I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know you aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever technology is invented after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers, On any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Budweiser than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps has an "Avoid this Neighborhood" routing option
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, drivers!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and pinning the tail on the donkey - but everyone can find and push the snooze button on any alarm clock from 3 feet away in 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time.